Newly dating advice
01-Jul-2016 15:50
You have to work hard to find someone you really want and really like – or, as one married male friend put it, “someone normal” (apparently normal men are in short supply).
The search is a kind of journey, and along the way you tend to learn a few things about yourself, and about the society we live in. Everyone knows lots of fabulous single women in their 40s …but can’t think of any equally fabulous single men the same age.
Sometimes I wonder if we convince ourselves we want children without really examining it.
Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of , that she loved her nieces and nephews but did not want children of her own.
Also, since you’re done with the aforementioned race to beat the biological clock, you can just date who you want, when you want, for as long as they are interesting to you. When you’re in your 40s, you know a lot more about the nature of sexual attraction Sure, you’re mature enough to think someone who might not be obviously attractive is worth investing some time in, but you also know that a guy who gives you a negative feeling – either physically or intellectually – is not someone you want to see again. You might come to realize that marriage is not for everyone I have plenty of happily married friends; but a couple of my closest friends compromised their happiness because they were afraid to be alone.
And since you are now a wise, mature adult (or better at acting the part), you know it’s not a big deal to cut a guy loose by telling him that you’re not feeling a click. On the other hand, you might feel a huge click with a guy who doesn’t share any of your interests But since you’re more mature and wise, you get that shared values and personality characteristics are more important than shared interests. Beware the newly-divorced You will hear a lot of people talk about snagging good catches when they’re leaving their first marriages. But remember that newly-divorced men come with a lot of baggage. They might not know how to take care of themselves, and they might have complicated custody issues that keep them from travelling. Single, independent, accomplished 40-year-olds know there’s nothing to fear in being alone. Even your feminist friends will treat your single state as a project they need to fix …and they will spend much creative energy trying to find you a match.
You don’t want the gift to look like you’re trying to hold your date hostage for the next few months.) What Christmas gift would you recommend for a new significant other?
And maybe that’s where the cool 40-something men are hanging out, too. A lot of single 40-something females look and feel fantastic They do Pilates and yoga, they’re energetic, they take care of their skin and are into healthy eating.
Perhaps the benefit of not haemorrhaging energy into family stresses?
When you see them sitting next to women in their late 20s and 30s you can’t see a significant age difference. You can decide you don’t want children Whether you planned for this or not, there is something liberating about taking baby-making off the table.
Children are not for everyone, but there’s a lot of social pressure on women to procreate.
Related links Where are the (normal) single men hiding?
